"Steve, can you watch the Jaffa cake sponges while I make the rainbow cake for Endergirl23? Are you even listening?"
"They've been in the furnace for five minutes. I'm sure they're nowhere near done."
"You know how upset Honeydew gets when the cakes are not cooked right. Besides, I have to get the choir prepared for the concert. The alto section probably hates me now..."
"I have to prepare band AND orchestra for the concert! Do you have any idea how hard it is to tune such a diverse array of instruments? One of the trumpets is so sharp he's flat!"
"Just watch the sponge cakes. I have no desire for Honeydew's rage fits and Xephos swinging his sword everywhere."
"Ugh. Fine."
Continue the story.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
The Other Steves
They closely resemble Steve, but they are not him. They are Steve's friends. Their names are actually Avery, Andrew, Spencer, and Luke. Avery has black eyes that are smaller than Steve's. He likes to mine. Andrew's eyes are also black, but they are very large. He likes to educate newbies about creepers. Spencer's eyes are diamond-colored. He always discovers new things and likes to experiment with them. Luke's eyes are slightly darker and larger than Spencer's and he is an adept archer. Perhaps you have seen them in Minecraft animations. Some of them might have "Steve" in the title. Most likely they are just Steve's friends.
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Origin of Steve
Aidan, a real world child, died of an illness. God knew that he would love to build, so He placed Aidan in a blocky universe without any rules. There, he found himself fully grown and free on illness. He built a house out of wood and a bed to sleep and respawn. One day, Aidan decided to go to the lake. Always in his hand was a flint and steel, ready to burn mobs. He saw a shadow and began to produce sparks.
"Hi." The voice sounded high and sweet, like a flute. Aidan stepped closer. He sheepishly put his flint and steel away.
"Hi. I'm Aidan." He introduced himself hesitantly.
"I'm Piper," the voice's source replied. Her light gray eyes, pink lips, and purple shirt reminded Aidan of all desirable traits of females combined. She had his mother's hair, Ava Westerberg (a girl he befriended during his earth life)'s light gray eyes, and a nurse's pink lips. Her purple cardigan made her look even more like Ava.
They dated for three years and Aidan wanted to propose to Piper. He had diamonds ready.
"You're home, Aidan," Piper said uncomfortably, "An unplanned child is on its way into our lives."
"Don't be absurd, Piper."
"It's true."
"What?"
They named the child Steve and their wedding was planned three months later. Piper held a crying
Steve while talking to a testificate about centerpieces. Later, Aidan held Steve while Piper browsed
through wedding dress catalogs. She wanted one with a flowing silk skirt and jeweled bodice. It had a purple tint, which Aidan thought to be the best color on her. Steve had Aidan's skin, Piper's hair, and
a set of lapis lazuli eyes that neither of them had.
On the day of Aidan and Piper's wedding, a group of zombies and skeletons decided to visit. Before they could say "I do," the mobs attacked and the only thing that remained of them were their heads. Steve lay there helpless and had to fend for himself from that moment.
"Hi." The voice sounded high and sweet, like a flute. Aidan stepped closer. He sheepishly put his flint and steel away.
"Hi. I'm Aidan." He introduced himself hesitantly.
"I'm Piper," the voice's source replied. Her light gray eyes, pink lips, and purple shirt reminded Aidan of all desirable traits of females combined. She had his mother's hair, Ava Westerberg (a girl he befriended during his earth life)'s light gray eyes, and a nurse's pink lips. Her purple cardigan made her look even more like Ava.
They dated for three years and Aidan wanted to propose to Piper. He had diamonds ready.
"You're home, Aidan," Piper said uncomfortably, "An unplanned child is on its way into our lives."
"Don't be absurd, Piper."
"It's true."
"What?"
They named the child Steve and their wedding was planned three months later. Piper held a crying
Steve while talking to a testificate about centerpieces. Later, Aidan held Steve while Piper browsed
through wedding dress catalogs. She wanted one with a flowing silk skirt and jeweled bodice. It had a purple tint, which Aidan thought to be the best color on her. Steve had Aidan's skin, Piper's hair, and
a set of lapis lazuli eyes that neither of them had.
On the day of Aidan and Piper's wedding, a group of zombies and skeletons decided to visit. Before they could say "I do," the mobs attacked and the only thing that remained of them were their heads. Steve lay there helpless and had to fend for himself from that moment.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Novelization of Mineshaft: Steve And Caitlin Version
Caitlin's perspective is in this font.
Steve's perspective is in this font.
A third-person omniscient perspective is in this font.
As I bottle-fed SkythekidRS and spooned mashed apple into AntVenom's mouth, Steve began to exit the door. I did not want to be alone, so I held him back. He glared at me, pushed me aside, and continued to leave. I knew he would have qualms about this, but I just sat on our double bed and cried.
It has been forever since I mined. Caitlin has been inhibiting me for days. When I got out, I set out to find the perfect cave. I feel bad about pushing her aside, but it will be worth it. I will find a vein of diamonds and mine it. As the night sky smiled cruelly, I found a cave and descended into a cruel world. I hacked at the stone and my iron pickaxe broke in two. I only had a stick in my hand now. As I glanced at the painting of Caitlin, I remembered how the light sometimes made her eyes look as green as emeralds. She dyed her hair red that day and it complimented the green eye moment, so I captured it in a painting. Seeing her beautiful face reminded me of a particular moment.
I thought of how Steve took the painting of me with him, so I knew he still loved me. However, I could not fight mobs the way he could. I am adept at archery, but I cannot use a sword very well. As I saw villagers' houses burning down, I cried. Mineshafts were so much like the End. Immediately I realized that Steve wanted to craft a sword for me. Like arrows were no good without a bow, I was no good without Steve. He is my sense of security.
In my journal I scrawled some notes. There were a few iron golems set up, but I knew they wouldn't last forever.
I remembered when I offered Caitlin a sword. She pushed it out of my hand. I glared as it clanged on the ground. I explained that she needed it in case I was gone mining. This was before I knew she was a better archer than a swordsperson, but I still felt that she needed the sword. In the mineshaft, I saw some glittering blue ore. When I set up a torch, it turned out to be lapis!
"Fie on you, the bane of my passion!" I yelled at the deceiving dye. I learned the word "fie" from Caitlin. It's a good alternative to exploding things with TNT.
I baked a cake and it reminded me of when Steve and I would talk over one and laugh at each other's jokes. I absent-mindedly picked at it and fed SkytheKidRS once more before putting him in his golden (he says "butter") cradle. As I heard a bang on the door, I saw zombies and skeletons everywhere. Zombies I can fight with an axe, but I am no match for those undead archers.
An arrow whizzed by my head. It barely missed. As I pushed the fleshless, soulless sniper into the lava, I remembered Caitlin. She must be terrified! While I waded in my own guilt and shame, I stepped into a ravine. There, I found some diamonds. As I started to mine them, a creeper exploded. The blast dealt a lot of damage since I was unarmored, very unusual for me.
They reunited, but both were in critical condition. Caitlin was impaled with several skeleton-shot arrows. Steve was weary and needed food. As they apologized, they laughed over a cake and potions of regeneration.
Steve's perspective is in this font.
A third-person omniscient perspective is in this font.
As I bottle-fed SkythekidRS and spooned mashed apple into AntVenom's mouth, Steve began to exit the door. I did not want to be alone, so I held him back. He glared at me, pushed me aside, and continued to leave. I knew he would have qualms about this, but I just sat on our double bed and cried.
It has been forever since I mined. Caitlin has been inhibiting me for days. When I got out, I set out to find the perfect cave. I feel bad about pushing her aside, but it will be worth it. I will find a vein of diamonds and mine it. As the night sky smiled cruelly, I found a cave and descended into a cruel world. I hacked at the stone and my iron pickaxe broke in two. I only had a stick in my hand now. As I glanced at the painting of Caitlin, I remembered how the light sometimes made her eyes look as green as emeralds. She dyed her hair red that day and it complimented the green eye moment, so I captured it in a painting. Seeing her beautiful face reminded me of a particular moment.
I thought of how Steve took the painting of me with him, so I knew he still loved me. However, I could not fight mobs the way he could. I am adept at archery, but I cannot use a sword very well. As I saw villagers' houses burning down, I cried. Mineshafts were so much like the End. Immediately I realized that Steve wanted to craft a sword for me. Like arrows were no good without a bow, I was no good without Steve. He is my sense of security.
In my journal I scrawled some notes. There were a few iron golems set up, but I knew they wouldn't last forever.
I remembered when I offered Caitlin a sword. She pushed it out of my hand. I glared as it clanged on the ground. I explained that she needed it in case I was gone mining. This was before I knew she was a better archer than a swordsperson, but I still felt that she needed the sword. In the mineshaft, I saw some glittering blue ore. When I set up a torch, it turned out to be lapis!
"Fie on you, the bane of my passion!" I yelled at the deceiving dye. I learned the word "fie" from Caitlin. It's a good alternative to exploding things with TNT.
I baked a cake and it reminded me of when Steve and I would talk over one and laugh at each other's jokes. I absent-mindedly picked at it and fed SkytheKidRS once more before putting him in his golden (he says "butter") cradle. As I heard a bang on the door, I saw zombies and skeletons everywhere. Zombies I can fight with an axe, but I am no match for those undead archers.
An arrow whizzed by my head. It barely missed. As I pushed the fleshless, soulless sniper into the lava, I remembered Caitlin. She must be terrified! While I waded in my own guilt and shame, I stepped into a ravine. There, I found some diamonds. As I started to mine them, a creeper exploded. The blast dealt a lot of damage since I was unarmored, very unusual for me.
They reunited, but both were in critical condition. Caitlin was impaled with several skeleton-shot arrows. Steve was weary and needed food. As they apologized, they laughed over a cake and potions of regeneration.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Story of creepertribute
The day of yet another child's birth, Caitlin felt weary and passed out. Steve was gone mining for glowstone in the Nether. Melissa crept in, hissed, and swiped the tender infant from his cradle. Meanwhile, Caitlin had a disturbing vision. Creepertribute lay on a sacrifice stone and the multitude of creepers chanted, "Sacrifice! Sacrifice!" A mutant creeper, apparently the high priest, said, "Cupa, goddess of TNT and griefing, accept this offering of Steve and Caitlin's son!"A double-edged diamond sword came down in a swift motion.
"No!" cried Caitlin. She woke with a start, as she shook with fear. Her heart raced
"Are you okay?" asked Steve, his voice full of concern.
"I had a nightmare about creepers sacrificing our son to Melissa."
"I'm sure he's sleeping the sleep of the unconcerned," said Steve. When he discovered that their boy was not in his cradle, they searched everywhere. When they returned home, Caitlin received a note from Melissa.
Caitlin,
I am holding your unnamed child for ransom in the Nether. If you don't let me make the sacrifice, I will take Steve away from you forever. If you choose to let the creepers make the sacrifice, Steve is safe. If you do not make a choice within 14 days, my high priest will sacrifice both of them.
Make your choice,
Melissa
When Steve saw the ransom note, he urged that Caitlin came with him to the nether.
"Silena hates me, Steve," Caitlin protested.
"We're not dealing with her," Steve promised.
"She'll probably throw fire balls at me. After all, it is her territory."
As they stepped through the portal, Melissa sat on a TNT throne. Her red eyes had an angry glow. A mutant creeper held their marriage license and threatened to toss it in the lava. Caitlin fidgeted uncomfortably. Steve screamed a war cry and struck the mutant creeper down. Creepers cornered Steve and he knew he could not fight them. He caught a glimpse of an arrow.
"Fie on you, Melissa! If anyone deserves Steve, it is not you!"
"Go away, terrible green things!"
"Begone, unholy beasts!"
"Caitlin?" Steve was bewildered. Piles of sulfur lay all around him.
"I always pack an enchanted bow with me."
Just as they got to the portal, Steve asked about the child's name.
"I shall name him creepertribute because he was nearly a sacrifice to the creepers."
"No!" cried Caitlin. She woke with a start, as she shook with fear. Her heart raced
"Are you okay?" asked Steve, his voice full of concern.
"I had a nightmare about creepers sacrificing our son to Melissa."
"I'm sure he's sleeping the sleep of the unconcerned," said Steve. When he discovered that their boy was not in his cradle, they searched everywhere. When they returned home, Caitlin received a note from Melissa.
Caitlin,
I am holding your unnamed child for ransom in the Nether. If you don't let me make the sacrifice, I will take Steve away from you forever. If you choose to let the creepers make the sacrifice, Steve is safe. If you do not make a choice within 14 days, my high priest will sacrifice both of them.
Make your choice,
Melissa
When Steve saw the ransom note, he urged that Caitlin came with him to the nether.
"Silena hates me, Steve," Caitlin protested.
"We're not dealing with her," Steve promised.
"She'll probably throw fire balls at me. After all, it is her territory."
As they stepped through the portal, Melissa sat on a TNT throne. Her red eyes had an angry glow. A mutant creeper held their marriage license and threatened to toss it in the lava. Caitlin fidgeted uncomfortably. Steve screamed a war cry and struck the mutant creeper down. Creepers cornered Steve and he knew he could not fight them. He caught a glimpse of an arrow.
"Fie on you, Melissa! If anyone deserves Steve, it is not you!"
"Go away, terrible green things!"
"Begone, unholy beasts!"
"Caitlin?" Steve was bewildered. Piles of sulfur lay all around him.
"I always pack an enchanted bow with me."
Just as they got to the portal, Steve asked about the child's name.
"I shall name him creepertribute because he was nearly a sacrifice to the creepers."
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Forever Alone Disorder
Forever Alone Disorder affects 1 in 280,000 Minecraft players. Its symptoms are awkward gait, an affinity for one item or action, and, sometimes, a "derpy" appearance. It is a spectrum disorder like autism in the real world. Famous high functioning players include CraftedMovie,WhatTheHai, and ItsJerry. Famous low functioning players include PwnagePotato and ExplodingTNT.
Minecraft University
Steve always worked out by lifting iron and cobblestone. He always won athletic competitions and his shelves were full of first place medals. Other students invited him to parties often. Melissa, his girlfriend, always seemed to love Steve wholeheartedly.
Caitlin was as beautiful as Melissa. However, she never dated, participated in extracurricular activities, went to parties, or even talked to anyone. She was always at the top of her class and completed her homework.
Enjoy.
Steve started his day by lifting 20 blocks of iron and saying,"Hi," to everyone. He knew they loved
him. Melissa planted a kiss on his cheek as he started for his first period class, redstone machines and design. Confidently he entered, certain that he would impress Professor Sethbling. Caitlin, whom
everyone called the Mysterious Maiden, sat down in the back and fiddled with her mini piston.
"Is everything okay?" asked Professor Sethbling.
"Yes, sir," replied Caitlin as she took out her book on redstone compractors and their uses. Steve
glanced at her full of concern. What prohibited her from having friends? Silena, the popular
cheerleader, glared at Caitlin. She perceived the Mysterious Maiden as a threat to her popularity.
"Hey, Mysterious Maiden!," jeered Silena, "Is your beguiling secret preventing me from winning
Steve's heart?" Caitlin shrugged and miserably placed redstone torches.
"Face it, Silena. I'm prettier than you!" Melissa shouted from the hallway.
"No I am!"
"No I am!"
"Wooden sword wielder."
"Squid." Steve, disturbed by the situation, left class after Professor Sethbling gave him a B plus on
his project. Silena continued to glare at Caitlin who gloomily stared at her 110% on her Shower of
Blessings dispenser/dropper project. Melissa and Steve strode out side by side. During second period
Ender Sciences, Caitlin sighed as she shoved another 200% from Professor AntVenom into her
backpack. Meanwhile, Silena glowered at another 78%. Professor AntVenom might have been biased towards Caitlin. He always gave her an extra porkchop during class parties. However, this was so
because she lived in the End and was forbidden from talking to any other students. When the bell
rang, Caitlin shuffled off to Butter and it's Uses class with Professor Sky. Steve arrived early to do an
extra credit project.
"You have impressive strength, Steve," said Sky.
"Thanks," replied Steve.
"How many iron blocks can you lift?"
"The most I've done is 20."
"Let's try for 30."
"That's a lot."
"You can do it."
Caitlin took her seat in the back corner. As other students took their places, Professor Sky had a box of butter apples. He decided to give one to each student.
"Steve, will you lift one iron block so Annabeth can have a butter apple?"
"Sure."
"Will you take one more so Jake can have a butter apple?"
"No prob."
"Take one more so Thaddeus can have a butter apple, okay?"
"Whatevs." As the process ensued, a drop of sweat formed on his brow.
"Take one more if Jared deserves a butter apple."
"Awesome." When Sky neared the further rows, Steve began to tremble from weariness.
"Steve, I can't believe how weak you are! It is over! Just drop the iron and save yourself!" Melissa taunted. Crushed by emotional and physical agony, tears fell from his eyes, but he continued to lift. Camryn, a preppy girl, entered despite the fact that students urged her not to enter.
"Camryn, would you like a butter apple?"
"Yes, please."
"Steve, lift more iron!" He struggled to bear the burden, but did. Sweat and tears mingled on his cheeks as his tremors grew in severity. Students started not to eat their butter apples.
When Professor Sky got to Caitlin, he asked:
"Caitlin, would you like a butter apple?" She nodded and cried. Steve did not deserve this. Silena and Melissa did.
"Oh no," lamented Professor Sky, "I gave him 64 blocks by mistake!" Steve could no longer bear the weight of the iron, so Caitlin took it all. She struggled even more than Steve did. As a school nurse offered Steve a potion of instant health, he drank half. Caitlin's arms collapsed as as iron dropped to the floor, leaving several dents.
"Take this. You need it more than I do," said Steve. He still keeled over due to weariness.
"Thank you, Steve," replied Caitlin, even though the Ender Dragon forbade her from speaking to other students. After that, they had Sky Block class with Pofessor Deadlox.
"Challenge day is coming up," Professor Deadlox announced, "You must accept the challenge our half your grade will be subtracted." The whole class groaned as he doled out the challenges. They read them to each other. Steve and Caitlin had to sing Fallen Kingdom as a duet in front of the whole class. Melissa had to mine redstone. Silena and Camryn had to write a report on butter turtles. As everyone worked on their challenges, they complained as well.
When the day came, Silena came with her eyelids caked in dandelion yellow dye. Camryn read the report while Silena checked her make-up in the window. As other students accepted their challenges, it was Steve and Caitlin's turn. When they picked up the microphones, their voices were in harmony throught the entire song. Professor Deadlox blotted tears from his eyes. Just as applause bounced off the walls, a horrible dragon that had an aura of stygian darkness bursted through the walls.
"Caitlin, you are a disgrace to Minecraft," its voice boomed. Students panicked. Silena muttered to herself about how Caitlin deserved that comment.
"How so?" asked Caitlin.
"You talked to Steve."
"Why would that be disgraceful?"
"When you looked at him, you had a sense of awkward joy. Happiness corrupts good character. Your AP Potion Brewing grade dropped from 98% to 97.9%" Fighting tears, Caitlin gathered her belongings and started to depart.
"Wait," Steve interjected, "I have a gift for you." He handed Caitlin a crumpled note with the words, "You are the one," on it. When Caitlin unwrapped it, she saw a diamond ring.
"Thank you, Steve," were her last words. The Ender Dragon wiped her memory of Steve and tossed his note and the ring into the Void.
Caitlin was as beautiful as Melissa. However, she never dated, participated in extracurricular activities, went to parties, or even talked to anyone. She was always at the top of her class and completed her homework.
Enjoy.
Steve started his day by lifting 20 blocks of iron and saying,"Hi," to everyone. He knew they loved
him. Melissa planted a kiss on his cheek as he started for his first period class, redstone machines and design. Confidently he entered, certain that he would impress Professor Sethbling. Caitlin, whom
everyone called the Mysterious Maiden, sat down in the back and fiddled with her mini piston.
"Is everything okay?" asked Professor Sethbling.
"Yes, sir," replied Caitlin as she took out her book on redstone compractors and their uses. Steve
glanced at her full of concern. What prohibited her from having friends? Silena, the popular
cheerleader, glared at Caitlin. She perceived the Mysterious Maiden as a threat to her popularity.
"Hey, Mysterious Maiden!," jeered Silena, "Is your beguiling secret preventing me from winning
Steve's heart?" Caitlin shrugged and miserably placed redstone torches.
"Face it, Silena. I'm prettier than you!" Melissa shouted from the hallway.
"No I am!"
"No I am!"
"Wooden sword wielder."
"Squid." Steve, disturbed by the situation, left class after Professor Sethbling gave him a B plus on
his project. Silena continued to glare at Caitlin who gloomily stared at her 110% on her Shower of
Blessings dispenser/dropper project. Melissa and Steve strode out side by side. During second period
Ender Sciences, Caitlin sighed as she shoved another 200% from Professor AntVenom into her
backpack. Meanwhile, Silena glowered at another 78%. Professor AntVenom might have been biased towards Caitlin. He always gave her an extra porkchop during class parties. However, this was so
because she lived in the End and was forbidden from talking to any other students. When the bell
rang, Caitlin shuffled off to Butter and it's Uses class with Professor Sky. Steve arrived early to do an
extra credit project.
"You have impressive strength, Steve," said Sky.
"Thanks," replied Steve.
"How many iron blocks can you lift?"
"The most I've done is 20."
"Let's try for 30."
"That's a lot."
"You can do it."
Caitlin took her seat in the back corner. As other students took their places, Professor Sky had a box of butter apples. He decided to give one to each student.
"Steve, will you lift one iron block so Annabeth can have a butter apple?"
"Sure."
"Will you take one more so Jake can have a butter apple?"
"No prob."
"Take one more so Thaddeus can have a butter apple, okay?"
"Whatevs." As the process ensued, a drop of sweat formed on his brow.
"Take one more if Jared deserves a butter apple."
"Awesome." When Sky neared the further rows, Steve began to tremble from weariness.
"Steve, I can't believe how weak you are! It is over! Just drop the iron and save yourself!" Melissa taunted. Crushed by emotional and physical agony, tears fell from his eyes, but he continued to lift. Camryn, a preppy girl, entered despite the fact that students urged her not to enter.
"Camryn, would you like a butter apple?"
"Yes, please."
"Steve, lift more iron!" He struggled to bear the burden, but did. Sweat and tears mingled on his cheeks as his tremors grew in severity. Students started not to eat their butter apples.
When Professor Sky got to Caitlin, he asked:
"Caitlin, would you like a butter apple?" She nodded and cried. Steve did not deserve this. Silena and Melissa did.
"Oh no," lamented Professor Sky, "I gave him 64 blocks by mistake!" Steve could no longer bear the weight of the iron, so Caitlin took it all. She struggled even more than Steve did. As a school nurse offered Steve a potion of instant health, he drank half. Caitlin's arms collapsed as as iron dropped to the floor, leaving several dents.
"Take this. You need it more than I do," said Steve. He still keeled over due to weariness.
"Thank you, Steve," replied Caitlin, even though the Ender Dragon forbade her from speaking to other students. After that, they had Sky Block class with Pofessor Deadlox.
"Challenge day is coming up," Professor Deadlox announced, "You must accept the challenge our half your grade will be subtracted." The whole class groaned as he doled out the challenges. They read them to each other. Steve and Caitlin had to sing Fallen Kingdom as a duet in front of the whole class. Melissa had to mine redstone. Silena and Camryn had to write a report on butter turtles. As everyone worked on their challenges, they complained as well.
When the day came, Silena came with her eyelids caked in dandelion yellow dye. Camryn read the report while Silena checked her make-up in the window. As other students accepted their challenges, it was Steve and Caitlin's turn. When they picked up the microphones, their voices were in harmony throught the entire song. Professor Deadlox blotted tears from his eyes. Just as applause bounced off the walls, a horrible dragon that had an aura of stygian darkness bursted through the walls.
"Caitlin, you are a disgrace to Minecraft," its voice boomed. Students panicked. Silena muttered to herself about how Caitlin deserved that comment.
"How so?" asked Caitlin.
"You talked to Steve."
"Why would that be disgraceful?"
"When you looked at him, you had a sense of awkward joy. Happiness corrupts good character. Your AP Potion Brewing grade dropped from 98% to 97.9%" Fighting tears, Caitlin gathered her belongings and started to depart.
"Wait," Steve interjected, "I have a gift for you." He handed Caitlin a crumpled note with the words, "You are the one," on it. When Caitlin unwrapped it, she saw a diamond ring.
"Thank you, Steve," were her last words. The Ender Dragon wiped her memory of Steve and tossed his note and the ring into the Void.
Steve's Comments on Caitlin's Favorite Songs
Fallen Kingdom
I like how the king tried to defend his country and family and I would do the same for Caitlin, but why did he drop his diamond sword in exchange for an iron one?
Join Me Stevie
If this YouTuber is trying to depict how I met Caitlin, they butchered the whole thing. We met in the End and left. The "Stevie" character was a total noob. Caitlin was and is not a diamond-clad Amazon queen.
Never Say Goodbye
What a noob. A sword could have prevented this tragedy.
I like how the king tried to defend his country and family and I would do the same for Caitlin, but why did he drop his diamond sword in exchange for an iron one?
Join Me Stevie
If this YouTuber is trying to depict how I met Caitlin, they butchered the whole thing. We met in the End and left. The "Stevie" character was a total noob. Caitlin was and is not a diamond-clad Amazon queen.
Never Say Goodbye
What a noob. A sword could have prevented this tragedy.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
A Profile on Caitlin
Caitlin lived a miserable life in the End until Steve rescued and married her. Their children are the players of Minecraft.
Her Favorite Child:
Herobrine
Her Favorite Songs:
Never Say Goodbye
Her Favorite Child:
Herobrine
Her Favorite Songs:
Fallen Kingdom
Join Me Stevie
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Parable of the Lost...
Steve mined a diamond and lost it. Although he had several more diamonds, he searched the cave until he found the diamond he had lost. He called his friends and they all rejoiced.
SkyDoesMinecraft lost a butter nugget. Although he has butter ingots and blocks, he cared about butter nuggets. He searched everywhere and it took 4 hours for him to find it. He called the Sky Army and they rejoiced.
Sethbling lost a pile of redstone. Alrthough he had a lot of redstone, he searched and searched until he found the lump of redstone. He called his friends and they rejoiced.
SkyDoesMinecraft lost a butter nugget. Although he has butter ingots and blocks, he cared about butter nuggets. He searched everywhere and it took 4 hours for him to find it. He called the Sky Army and they rejoiced.
Sethbling lost a pile of redstone. Alrthough he had a lot of redstone, he searched and searched until he found the lump of redstone. He called his friends and they rejoiced.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Parable of the Griefer
Steve and Caitlin gave their son, griefer2003, a gift of overpowered pickaxes, swords, and armor. He left and went to a distant taiga biome. There, he lived foolishly. He wasted his gift on destroying other players' property and breaking girls' hearts. When he ran out of food raided from chests, he worked for Endergirl23 and longed to feed himself with the raw meat her wolves ate. After that, he cried and ran back.
"Steve, our son is back. I shall bake him a cake!" yelled Caitlin. Steve also saw griefer2003 and felt compassion for him. He made better armor and gathered some emeralds. As griefer2003 made his way back, he fell on his face and cried.
"Disown me. I am unfit to live as a Minecraftian."
"Why so?" asked Steve.
"I have sinned against Notch and the World Of Divine Beings. I have sinned against the Divine World's creator. But my most severe transgression is that I have sinned against you."
Steve grinned and Caitlin baked more cake and cooked some meat. Tomerson overheard the party. As he investigated, he discovered griefer2003. Why was he here?
"Why was that annoying griefer invited?"
"This party is for him," replied Caitlin.
"For him of all Minecraftians! Not for AntVenom or SkytheKidRS who never sinned against you?!"
"They have always been with us. Griefer2003 was lost and now is found. He was dead and now is alive," explained Steve.
"This party is majestic!" whooped Sky. Tomerson glowered for the duration of the party.
This is the Parable of the Prodigal Son.
"Steve, our son is back. I shall bake him a cake!" yelled Caitlin. Steve also saw griefer2003 and felt compassion for him. He made better armor and gathered some emeralds. As griefer2003 made his way back, he fell on his face and cried.
"Disown me. I am unfit to live as a Minecraftian."
"Why so?" asked Steve.
"I have sinned against Notch and the World Of Divine Beings. I have sinned against the Divine World's creator. But my most severe transgression is that I have sinned against you."
Steve grinned and Caitlin baked more cake and cooked some meat. Tomerson overheard the party. As he investigated, he discovered griefer2003. Why was he here?
"Why was that annoying griefer invited?"
"This party is for him," replied Caitlin.
"For him of all Minecraftians! Not for AntVenom or SkytheKidRS who never sinned against you?!"
"They have always been with us. Griefer2003 was lost and now is found. He was dead and now is alive," explained Steve.
"This party is majestic!" whooped Sky. Tomerson glowered for the duration of the party.
This is the Parable of the Prodigal Son.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Herobrine's Curse Poem
This curse seems to be a blessing to you.
It gave me many abilities,
Ones that you would die for.
The curse that forces me
To terrorize the millions of Minecraft players
Even the newly-spawned.
This curse nobody figured out
Because it is powerful, so much
That no one has tried to remove it
And those who did
Were unsuccessful.
I am misunderstood, forsaken
By even my best friends.
What about my intent
Is criminal?
I do not want to live
As an outcast among my family.
I love my brothers and sisters
Although they are a multitude.
So help me! Remove this accursed blessing.
My strength is too much
Too much to bear.
It controls me in every way,
Ignoring my pure intentions
Which my eyes glow with.
Instead, they take it as evil
And avoid me.
Then, that is when the demon overtakes me
And devours my siblings' enjoyment of Minecraft.
I do not enjoy it in this prison
Locked away
With strongholds full of riches.
I want to be free
And live a life
With you.
It gave me many abilities,
Ones that you would die for.
The curse that forces me
To terrorize the millions of Minecraft players
Even the newly-spawned.
This curse nobody figured out
Because it is powerful, so much
That no one has tried to remove it
And those who did
Were unsuccessful.
I am misunderstood, forsaken
By even my best friends.
What about my intent
Is criminal?
I do not want to live
As an outcast among my family.
I love my brothers and sisters
Although they are a multitude.
So help me! Remove this accursed blessing.
My strength is too much
Too much to bear.
It controls me in every way,
Ignoring my pure intentions
Which my eyes glow with.
Instead, they take it as evil
And avoid me.
Then, that is when the demon overtakes me
And devours my siblings' enjoyment of Minecraft.
I do not enjoy it in this prison
Locked away
With strongholds full of riches.
I want to be free
And live a life
With you.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Are you more Steve or Caitlin?
Steve Gene: You like to mine and like pvp. You are not afraid to take advantage of your surroundings. You are often seen in hardcore/survival single player.
Pros: knowing your ores, how to survive, and are quick to claim land.
Cons: Susceptible to griefing, raiding, and using x-ray
Caitlin Gene: You are more agricultural and grow vegetables for food. You like to ask permission to do things rather than immediately start building/mining. You are more artistic and like creative mode, don't pvp often, and create things rather than destroy them. You are often seen in creative mode or on a server.
Pros: not afraid to ask for help, more sympathy to newbies, takes aesthetics into account
Cons: being called a noob for using creative, being griefed, not knowing what to do with available space, too concerned about aesthetics to take blast resistance into account
Pros: knowing your ores, how to survive, and are quick to claim land.
Cons: Susceptible to griefing, raiding, and using x-ray
Caitlin Gene: You are more agricultural and grow vegetables for food. You like to ask permission to do things rather than immediately start building/mining. You are more artistic and like creative mode, don't pvp often, and create things rather than destroy them. You are often seen in creative mode or on a server.
Pros: not afraid to ask for help, more sympathy to newbies, takes aesthetics into account
Cons: being called a noob for using creative, being griefed, not knowing what to do with available space, too concerned about aesthetics to take blast resistance into account
Friday, March 8, 2013
Parable of the Good Enderman
A creeper lay half-dead on a cobblestone road after players beat him up. A creeper passed by and took no notice. A charged creeper also passed him by like dirt. A mutant creeper averted the creeper in the same way. The creeper cried to himself when an enderman happened to teleport to that location. The enderman took the creeper to the nearest NPC village, paid the all villagers 300 emeralds each, and told the villagers it would also pay for additional costs. The creeper got better quickly and thanked the enderman.
What would I learn from this?
This is the Parable of the Good Samaritan told a different way. It tells us to love others, even if they are different.
What would I learn from this?
This is the Parable of the Good Samaritan told a different way. It tells us to love others, even if they are different.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Parable of the Newbie and the Iron Ingots
A multitude of players came to The Temple of Notch and offered diamond swords with knockback 2, punch 2, smite 5, bane of arthropods 5, and even fire aspect 2. Some offered whole blocks of diamond, gold, and even emeralds. Whoever gave the most valuable gift would be declared Notch's most beloved player. Suddenly, a newbie came up and offered two iron ingots. The other players were appalled. Did she not know that she was to offer something valuable? Notch came in all of his creator of Minecraft glory and said:
"This newbie is my most beloved player. She gave her only iron ingots and now I give her the bedrock sword with Fire Aspect 3, Bane of Arthropods 10, and Punch 5!"
What would I learn from this?
This is a Biblical parable told in a different way. It means to give your best. Newbies may not have as many things as you, but they still love Minecraft.
"This newbie is my most beloved player. She gave her only iron ingots and now I give her the bedrock sword with Fire Aspect 3, Bane of Arthropods 10, and Punch 5!"
What would I learn from this?
This is a Biblical parable told in a different way. It means to give your best. Newbies may not have as many things as you, but they still love Minecraft.
Friday, February 8, 2013
A Child of Dishonor
Caitlin told Steve that she will have a child soon. Steve, shocked by the news, asked how it could be. After a long day of making diamond items, he was certain that his ears were weary. After sleeping, he knew that it was true. Caitlin ate only porkchops one day and the next apples. This continued for nine in game months.
Caitlin named her twin sons Notch after the creator of Minecraft and Herobrine, the origin of this name unknown. Steve favored Notch and Caitlin favored Herobrine. As Notch and Herobrine grew, the more they hated each other. Notch created wonderful things and Herobrine scared the people that came to admire them. Caitlin, all too aware of this, asked Herobrine why he did this.
"Why do you scare the people that admire Notch's inventions and art?"
"I don't know. They just look at my eyes and run away."
Concerned about this, Caitlin examined Herobrine's eyes and discovered that they were not indigo or black. They were completely white! She informed Steve of Herobrine's eyes and Steve looked at his child's eyes. He too, saw only white.
Later that day, there was a flash of light and a knock at the door.
"Come in," Caitlin said meekly.
"Caitlin, former hostage of the Ender Dragon, mother of Notch and Herobrine, wife of Steve, I am here because one of your offspring has won my favor," boomed the voice. "Notch's ingenuity and desire to learn is what I need for I, as Notch, creator of Minecraft, need these qualities."
"I'm here," Notch announced and the Creator of Minecraft tooh him up and left. Caitlin cried and gathered excessive amounts of wheat and cocoa beans. She gave Herobrine cookies and milk for a snack. She cried over the crafting table as she made the cookies. Steve ate one and failed to comfort his lamenting wife. Herobrine went outside to pick flowers for his mother.
Meanwhile, Herobrine ventured into the fields looking for the very best flowers, vibrant golden dandelions and roses as red as apples. He stumbled upon a NPC village and asked the villagers for flowers, but they ran away in fear. The Creator of Minecraft returned, saying this:
"Caitlin, former hostage of the Ender Dragon, wife of Steve, mother of Notch and Herobrine, Herobrine has been declared a child of dishonor for scaring villagers!"
"It's his eye color! He can't help it!"
"Now he shall cease to exist!"
"Wait! I love him too!" yelled Steve "I believe that as Herobrine's father that I have a voice in the matter."
"Speak, husband of Caitlin, master of the diamond pickaxe, father of Notch and the accused."
"Let him live! He did not want to scare villagers!"
"I will not change my mind."
"Let Herobrine live, but like Caitlin did before I met her, as a sojourner, a fugitive, undesired until the next update. Then lock him in a hidden, inescapable prison."
Steve and Caitlin had other offspring, about 20 million total, before and after Notch and Herobrine and all of them are players of Minecraft.
Caitlin named her twin sons Notch after the creator of Minecraft and Herobrine, the origin of this name unknown. Steve favored Notch and Caitlin favored Herobrine. As Notch and Herobrine grew, the more they hated each other. Notch created wonderful things and Herobrine scared the people that came to admire them. Caitlin, all too aware of this, asked Herobrine why he did this.
"Why do you scare the people that admire Notch's inventions and art?"
"I don't know. They just look at my eyes and run away."
Concerned about this, Caitlin examined Herobrine's eyes and discovered that they were not indigo or black. They were completely white! She informed Steve of Herobrine's eyes and Steve looked at his child's eyes. He too, saw only white.
Later that day, there was a flash of light and a knock at the door.
"Come in," Caitlin said meekly.
"Caitlin, former hostage of the Ender Dragon, mother of Notch and Herobrine, wife of Steve, I am here because one of your offspring has won my favor," boomed the voice. "Notch's ingenuity and desire to learn is what I need for I, as Notch, creator of Minecraft, need these qualities."
"I'm here," Notch announced and the Creator of Minecraft tooh him up and left. Caitlin cried and gathered excessive amounts of wheat and cocoa beans. She gave Herobrine cookies and milk for a snack. She cried over the crafting table as she made the cookies. Steve ate one and failed to comfort his lamenting wife. Herobrine went outside to pick flowers for his mother.
Meanwhile, Herobrine ventured into the fields looking for the very best flowers, vibrant golden dandelions and roses as red as apples. He stumbled upon a NPC village and asked the villagers for flowers, but they ran away in fear. The Creator of Minecraft returned, saying this:
"Caitlin, former hostage of the Ender Dragon, wife of Steve, mother of Notch and Herobrine, Herobrine has been declared a child of dishonor for scaring villagers!"
"It's his eye color! He can't help it!"
"Now he shall cease to exist!"
"Wait! I love him too!" yelled Steve "I believe that as Herobrine's father that I have a voice in the matter."
"Speak, husband of Caitlin, master of the diamond pickaxe, father of Notch and the accused."
"Let him live! He did not want to scare villagers!"
"I will not change my mind."
"Let Herobrine live, but like Caitlin did before I met her, as a sojourner, a fugitive, undesired until the next update. Then lock him in a hidden, inescapable prison."
Steve and Caitlin had other offspring, about 20 million total, before and after Notch and Herobrine and all of them are players of Minecraft.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
The First Minecraft Wedding: The Play
Parts:
Caitlin
Steve
Ender Dragon
Endermen
Creeper choir
Other Steves
NPC villager
Narrator 1
Narrator 2
Cats and dogs
Scene 1
Caitlin: Why am I trapped in this dreary wasteland? Whatever have I done to deserve this?
Ender Dragon: You sit there so innocently, like a torch, tainting the beautiful darkness with light.
Narrator 1: While Caitlin stared at her green dress and at the End Portal, she contemplated her life.
Caitlin: Will be stuck here forever? What is my purpose, if I have any? Am I merely a child of dishonor, a disgrace to the Block World? Will no one deliver me from this dreary land?
*endermen walking by with blocks*
Scene 2
Steve: I found some DIAMONDS!!!
Narrator 2: The excitement faded quickly as Steve had a missing feeling in his heart, so he built a portal to The End.
Steve: I'll battle the Ender Dragon because the glamour of diamonds has faded. If I collect its egg, maybe this feeling will go away.
Narrator 1: But little did he know
Narrator 2: He would find something special, but not what he was looking for.
Scene 3
Steve: *attacking Ender Dragon with sword*
Ender Dragon: Hack and slash with your stick as you please, but I can still defeat you with ease.
Steve: Prove it!
Ender Dragon: Time for you to meet Notch!*knocks Steve off spire*
Caitlin: What was that? Maybe a bundle of hope fell through the portal! *runs over* I hope my healing stew works...
Steve: *slurp* Where am I? Did I kill the Ender Dragon yet?
Caitlin: Hello there. Are you here to rescue me?
Steve: I'm Steve and I came to slay the Ender Dragon, but now it's so clear. I was destined to be a white knight. However, you saved me from dying alone in the cold. How can I thank you?
Caitlin: Well, I want to see the overworld.
Steve: Wait... You LIVE here?
Caitlin: Yes. I hate it.
Steve: Those obsisian eyes have never looked at the sun?
Caitlin: It's true.
Steve: I cannot look at your eyes, yet, somehow, I think you were made for me.
Caitlin: I never knew true love, only servants to do my bidding. *make gesture towards endermen*
Steve: Wow. The things I've taken for granted, the sun, grass, pigs, sheep, and torch light. She's never seen any of it, but I'll make a fool of myself if I ask her to stay with me forever. I'll ask her with a diamond. *take cleansing breath, get down on knees* I have only known you for a couple minutes, but in those minutes you showed me that the beauty of diamonds is fleeting and the charm of glowstone is deceiving. Caitlin, will you leave the End with me?
Caitlin: Of course! How could I say no to that face?
Steve: My face? What's so special...
Caitlin: It makes me feel secure. I never feel this way with endermen.
Steve: Problem. We have to kill the Ender Dragon.
Ender Dragon: You shall not pass!
Steve: I have an enchanted diamond sword!
Ender Dragon: Your little knife will never work!
Caitlin: A sword won't work, but righteous anger will.
Steve: *panting* Help...me!
Caitlin: Behold!
Steve: Whoa...
Caitlin: Our love for each other was so strong it killed the Ender Dragon.
Endermen: Go your way.
Scene 4
Caitlin: The overworld is so beautiful.
Steve: You haven't seen anything yet.
*cats and dogs come up*
Caitlin: Oh! They're so sweet--like you!
Steve: I'll be crafting some stuff, so excuse the noise while you sleep.
Caitlin: I will. No worries.
Other Steves: Will she like this? *holds wedding dress design*
Steve: No. It's too plain.
Other Steves: This one is what you were asking for.
Steve: What is that even supposed to be?
*seven hours later*
Other Steves: *holding up other design*
Steve: Perfect!
Scene 5
Steve: Your chariot awaits.
Saddled pig at door
Scene 6
NPC Villager: Do you, Steve, take Caitlin to be yours to cherish, to defend, and to love more than all the diamond blocks in the world?
Steve: *voice breaking* I do
NPC Villager: Do you, Caitlin, take Steve as yours to cherish, to comfort, to defend, and to love more than sunlight?
Caitlin: *voice breaking* I do
NPC Villager: True love is one thing more beautiful than emeralds.
Steve: Thank you for saving me.
Caitlin: It wasn't a bundle of hope
Steve: or a dragon egg that we needed.
Steve and Caitlin: It was you. *hug*
Caitlin: I never expected love to set me free.
Steve: I never thought I could love someone more than diamonds.
Caitlin and Steve: But it was possible with you.
Caitlin
Steve
Ender Dragon
Endermen
Creeper choir
Other Steves
NPC villager
Narrator 1
Narrator 2
Cats and dogs
Scene 1
Caitlin: Why am I trapped in this dreary wasteland? Whatever have I done to deserve this?
Ender Dragon: You sit there so innocently, like a torch, tainting the beautiful darkness with light.
Narrator 1: While Caitlin stared at her green dress and at the End Portal, she contemplated her life.
Caitlin: Will be stuck here forever? What is my purpose, if I have any? Am I merely a child of dishonor, a disgrace to the Block World? Will no one deliver me from this dreary land?
*endermen walking by with blocks*
Scene 2
Steve: I found some DIAMONDS!!!
Narrator 2: The excitement faded quickly as Steve had a missing feeling in his heart, so he built a portal to The End.
Steve: I'll battle the Ender Dragon because the glamour of diamonds has faded. If I collect its egg, maybe this feeling will go away.
Narrator 1: But little did he know
Narrator 2: He would find something special, but not what he was looking for.
Scene 3
Steve: *attacking Ender Dragon with sword*
Ender Dragon: Hack and slash with your stick as you please, but I can still defeat you with ease.
Steve: Prove it!
Ender Dragon: Time for you to meet Notch!*knocks Steve off spire*
Caitlin: What was that? Maybe a bundle of hope fell through the portal! *runs over* I hope my healing stew works...
Steve: *slurp* Where am I? Did I kill the Ender Dragon yet?
Caitlin: Hello there. Are you here to rescue me?
Steve: I'm Steve and I came to slay the Ender Dragon, but now it's so clear. I was destined to be a white knight. However, you saved me from dying alone in the cold. How can I thank you?
Caitlin: Well, I want to see the overworld.
Steve: Wait... You LIVE here?
Caitlin: Yes. I hate it.
Steve: Those obsisian eyes have never looked at the sun?
Caitlin: It's true.
Steve: I cannot look at your eyes, yet, somehow, I think you were made for me.
Caitlin: I never knew true love, only servants to do my bidding. *make gesture towards endermen*
Steve: Wow. The things I've taken for granted, the sun, grass, pigs, sheep, and torch light. She's never seen any of it, but I'll make a fool of myself if I ask her to stay with me forever. I'll ask her with a diamond. *take cleansing breath, get down on knees* I have only known you for a couple minutes, but in those minutes you showed me that the beauty of diamonds is fleeting and the charm of glowstone is deceiving. Caitlin, will you leave the End with me?
Caitlin: Of course! How could I say no to that face?
Steve: My face? What's so special...
Caitlin: It makes me feel secure. I never feel this way with endermen.
Steve: Problem. We have to kill the Ender Dragon.
Ender Dragon: You shall not pass!
Steve: I have an enchanted diamond sword!
Ender Dragon: Your little knife will never work!
Caitlin: A sword won't work, but righteous anger will.
Steve: *panting* Help...me!
Caitlin: Behold!
Steve: Whoa...
Caitlin: Our love for each other was so strong it killed the Ender Dragon.
Endermen: Go your way.
Scene 4
Caitlin: The overworld is so beautiful.
Steve: You haven't seen anything yet.
*cats and dogs come up*
Caitlin: Oh! They're so sweet--like you!
Steve: I'll be crafting some stuff, so excuse the noise while you sleep.
Caitlin: I will. No worries.
Other Steves: Will she like this? *holds wedding dress design*
Steve: No. It's too plain.
Other Steves: This one is what you were asking for.
Steve: What is that even supposed to be?
*seven hours later*
Other Steves: *holding up other design*
Steve: Perfect!
Scene 5
Steve: Your chariot awaits.
Saddled pig at door
Scene 6
NPC Villager: Do you, Steve, take Caitlin to be yours to cherish, to defend, and to love more than all the diamond blocks in the world?
Steve: *voice breaking* I do
NPC Villager: Do you, Caitlin, take Steve as yours to cherish, to comfort, to defend, and to love more than sunlight?
Caitlin: *voice breaking* I do
NPC Villager: True love is one thing more beautiful than emeralds.
Steve: Thank you for saving me.
Caitlin: It wasn't a bundle of hope
Steve: or a dragon egg that we needed.
Steve and Caitlin: It was you. *hug*
Caitlin: I never expected love to set me free.
Steve: I never thought I could love someone more than diamonds.
Caitlin and Steve: But it was possible with you.
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