"Steve, can you watch the Jaffa cake sponges while I make the rainbow cake for Endergirl23? Are you even listening?"
"They've been in the furnace for five minutes. I'm sure they're nowhere near done."
"You know how upset Honeydew gets when the cakes are not cooked right. Besides, I have to get the choir prepared for the concert. The alto section probably hates me now..."
"I have to prepare band AND orchestra for the concert! Do you have any idea how hard it is to tune such a diverse array of instruments? One of the trumpets is so sharp he's flat!"
"Just watch the sponge cakes. I have no desire for Honeydew's rage fits and Xephos swinging his sword everywhere."
"Ugh. Fine."
Continue the story.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
The Other Steves
They closely resemble Steve, but they are not him. They are Steve's friends. Their names are actually Avery, Andrew, Spencer, and Luke. Avery has black eyes that are smaller than Steve's. He likes to mine. Andrew's eyes are also black, but they are very large. He likes to educate newbies about creepers. Spencer's eyes are diamond-colored. He always discovers new things and likes to experiment with them. Luke's eyes are slightly darker and larger than Spencer's and he is an adept archer. Perhaps you have seen them in Minecraft animations. Some of them might have "Steve" in the title. Most likely they are just Steve's friends.
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Origin of Steve
Aidan, a real world child, died of an illness. God knew that he would love to build, so He placed Aidan in a blocky universe without any rules. There, he found himself fully grown and free on illness. He built a house out of wood and a bed to sleep and respawn. One day, Aidan decided to go to the lake. Always in his hand was a flint and steel, ready to burn mobs. He saw a shadow and began to produce sparks.
"Hi." The voice sounded high and sweet, like a flute. Aidan stepped closer. He sheepishly put his flint and steel away.
"Hi. I'm Aidan." He introduced himself hesitantly.
"I'm Piper," the voice's source replied. Her light gray eyes, pink lips, and purple shirt reminded Aidan of all desirable traits of females combined. She had his mother's hair, Ava Westerberg (a girl he befriended during his earth life)'s light gray eyes, and a nurse's pink lips. Her purple cardigan made her look even more like Ava.
They dated for three years and Aidan wanted to propose to Piper. He had diamonds ready.
"You're home, Aidan," Piper said uncomfortably, "An unplanned child is on its way into our lives."
"Don't be absurd, Piper."
"It's true."
"What?"
They named the child Steve and their wedding was planned three months later. Piper held a crying
Steve while talking to a testificate about centerpieces. Later, Aidan held Steve while Piper browsed
through wedding dress catalogs. She wanted one with a flowing silk skirt and jeweled bodice. It had a purple tint, which Aidan thought to be the best color on her. Steve had Aidan's skin, Piper's hair, and
a set of lapis lazuli eyes that neither of them had.
On the day of Aidan and Piper's wedding, a group of zombies and skeletons decided to visit. Before they could say "I do," the mobs attacked and the only thing that remained of them were their heads. Steve lay there helpless and had to fend for himself from that moment.
"Hi." The voice sounded high and sweet, like a flute. Aidan stepped closer. He sheepishly put his flint and steel away.
"Hi. I'm Aidan." He introduced himself hesitantly.
"I'm Piper," the voice's source replied. Her light gray eyes, pink lips, and purple shirt reminded Aidan of all desirable traits of females combined. She had his mother's hair, Ava Westerberg (a girl he befriended during his earth life)'s light gray eyes, and a nurse's pink lips. Her purple cardigan made her look even more like Ava.
They dated for three years and Aidan wanted to propose to Piper. He had diamonds ready.
"You're home, Aidan," Piper said uncomfortably, "An unplanned child is on its way into our lives."
"Don't be absurd, Piper."
"It's true."
"What?"
They named the child Steve and their wedding was planned three months later. Piper held a crying
Steve while talking to a testificate about centerpieces. Later, Aidan held Steve while Piper browsed
through wedding dress catalogs. She wanted one with a flowing silk skirt and jeweled bodice. It had a purple tint, which Aidan thought to be the best color on her. Steve had Aidan's skin, Piper's hair, and
a set of lapis lazuli eyes that neither of them had.
On the day of Aidan and Piper's wedding, a group of zombies and skeletons decided to visit. Before they could say "I do," the mobs attacked and the only thing that remained of them were their heads. Steve lay there helpless and had to fend for himself from that moment.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Novelization of Mineshaft: Steve And Caitlin Version
Caitlin's perspective is in this font.
Steve's perspective is in this font.
A third-person omniscient perspective is in this font.
As I bottle-fed SkythekidRS and spooned mashed apple into AntVenom's mouth, Steve began to exit the door. I did not want to be alone, so I held him back. He glared at me, pushed me aside, and continued to leave. I knew he would have qualms about this, but I just sat on our double bed and cried.
It has been forever since I mined. Caitlin has been inhibiting me for days. When I got out, I set out to find the perfect cave. I feel bad about pushing her aside, but it will be worth it. I will find a vein of diamonds and mine it. As the night sky smiled cruelly, I found a cave and descended into a cruel world. I hacked at the stone and my iron pickaxe broke in two. I only had a stick in my hand now. As I glanced at the painting of Caitlin, I remembered how the light sometimes made her eyes look as green as emeralds. She dyed her hair red that day and it complimented the green eye moment, so I captured it in a painting. Seeing her beautiful face reminded me of a particular moment.
I thought of how Steve took the painting of me with him, so I knew he still loved me. However, I could not fight mobs the way he could. I am adept at archery, but I cannot use a sword very well. As I saw villagers' houses burning down, I cried. Mineshafts were so much like the End. Immediately I realized that Steve wanted to craft a sword for me. Like arrows were no good without a bow, I was no good without Steve. He is my sense of security.
In my journal I scrawled some notes. There were a few iron golems set up, but I knew they wouldn't last forever.
I remembered when I offered Caitlin a sword. She pushed it out of my hand. I glared as it clanged on the ground. I explained that she needed it in case I was gone mining. This was before I knew she was a better archer than a swordsperson, but I still felt that she needed the sword. In the mineshaft, I saw some glittering blue ore. When I set up a torch, it turned out to be lapis!
"Fie on you, the bane of my passion!" I yelled at the deceiving dye. I learned the word "fie" from Caitlin. It's a good alternative to exploding things with TNT.
I baked a cake and it reminded me of when Steve and I would talk over one and laugh at each other's jokes. I absent-mindedly picked at it and fed SkytheKidRS once more before putting him in his golden (he says "butter") cradle. As I heard a bang on the door, I saw zombies and skeletons everywhere. Zombies I can fight with an axe, but I am no match for those undead archers.
An arrow whizzed by my head. It barely missed. As I pushed the fleshless, soulless sniper into the lava, I remembered Caitlin. She must be terrified! While I waded in my own guilt and shame, I stepped into a ravine. There, I found some diamonds. As I started to mine them, a creeper exploded. The blast dealt a lot of damage since I was unarmored, very unusual for me.
They reunited, but both were in critical condition. Caitlin was impaled with several skeleton-shot arrows. Steve was weary and needed food. As they apologized, they laughed over a cake and potions of regeneration.
Steve's perspective is in this font.
A third-person omniscient perspective is in this font.
As I bottle-fed SkythekidRS and spooned mashed apple into AntVenom's mouth, Steve began to exit the door. I did not want to be alone, so I held him back. He glared at me, pushed me aside, and continued to leave. I knew he would have qualms about this, but I just sat on our double bed and cried.
It has been forever since I mined. Caitlin has been inhibiting me for days. When I got out, I set out to find the perfect cave. I feel bad about pushing her aside, but it will be worth it. I will find a vein of diamonds and mine it. As the night sky smiled cruelly, I found a cave and descended into a cruel world. I hacked at the stone and my iron pickaxe broke in two. I only had a stick in my hand now. As I glanced at the painting of Caitlin, I remembered how the light sometimes made her eyes look as green as emeralds. She dyed her hair red that day and it complimented the green eye moment, so I captured it in a painting. Seeing her beautiful face reminded me of a particular moment.
I thought of how Steve took the painting of me with him, so I knew he still loved me. However, I could not fight mobs the way he could. I am adept at archery, but I cannot use a sword very well. As I saw villagers' houses burning down, I cried. Mineshafts were so much like the End. Immediately I realized that Steve wanted to craft a sword for me. Like arrows were no good without a bow, I was no good without Steve. He is my sense of security.
In my journal I scrawled some notes. There were a few iron golems set up, but I knew they wouldn't last forever.
I remembered when I offered Caitlin a sword. She pushed it out of my hand. I glared as it clanged on the ground. I explained that she needed it in case I was gone mining. This was before I knew she was a better archer than a swordsperson, but I still felt that she needed the sword. In the mineshaft, I saw some glittering blue ore. When I set up a torch, it turned out to be lapis!
"Fie on you, the bane of my passion!" I yelled at the deceiving dye. I learned the word "fie" from Caitlin. It's a good alternative to exploding things with TNT.
I baked a cake and it reminded me of when Steve and I would talk over one and laugh at each other's jokes. I absent-mindedly picked at it and fed SkytheKidRS once more before putting him in his golden (he says "butter") cradle. As I heard a bang on the door, I saw zombies and skeletons everywhere. Zombies I can fight with an axe, but I am no match for those undead archers.
An arrow whizzed by my head. It barely missed. As I pushed the fleshless, soulless sniper into the lava, I remembered Caitlin. She must be terrified! While I waded in my own guilt and shame, I stepped into a ravine. There, I found some diamonds. As I started to mine them, a creeper exploded. The blast dealt a lot of damage since I was unarmored, very unusual for me.
They reunited, but both were in critical condition. Caitlin was impaled with several skeleton-shot arrows. Steve was weary and needed food. As they apologized, they laughed over a cake and potions of regeneration.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Story of creepertribute
The day of yet another child's birth, Caitlin felt weary and passed out. Steve was gone mining for glowstone in the Nether. Melissa crept in, hissed, and swiped the tender infant from his cradle. Meanwhile, Caitlin had a disturbing vision. Creepertribute lay on a sacrifice stone and the multitude of creepers chanted, "Sacrifice! Sacrifice!" A mutant creeper, apparently the high priest, said, "Cupa, goddess of TNT and griefing, accept this offering of Steve and Caitlin's son!"A double-edged diamond sword came down in a swift motion.
"No!" cried Caitlin. She woke with a start, as she shook with fear. Her heart raced
"Are you okay?" asked Steve, his voice full of concern.
"I had a nightmare about creepers sacrificing our son to Melissa."
"I'm sure he's sleeping the sleep of the unconcerned," said Steve. When he discovered that their boy was not in his cradle, they searched everywhere. When they returned home, Caitlin received a note from Melissa.
Caitlin,
I am holding your unnamed child for ransom in the Nether. If you don't let me make the sacrifice, I will take Steve away from you forever. If you choose to let the creepers make the sacrifice, Steve is safe. If you do not make a choice within 14 days, my high priest will sacrifice both of them.
Make your choice,
Melissa
When Steve saw the ransom note, he urged that Caitlin came with him to the nether.
"Silena hates me, Steve," Caitlin protested.
"We're not dealing with her," Steve promised.
"She'll probably throw fire balls at me. After all, it is her territory."
As they stepped through the portal, Melissa sat on a TNT throne. Her red eyes had an angry glow. A mutant creeper held their marriage license and threatened to toss it in the lava. Caitlin fidgeted uncomfortably. Steve screamed a war cry and struck the mutant creeper down. Creepers cornered Steve and he knew he could not fight them. He caught a glimpse of an arrow.
"Fie on you, Melissa! If anyone deserves Steve, it is not you!"
"Go away, terrible green things!"
"Begone, unholy beasts!"
"Caitlin?" Steve was bewildered. Piles of sulfur lay all around him.
"I always pack an enchanted bow with me."
Just as they got to the portal, Steve asked about the child's name.
"I shall name him creepertribute because he was nearly a sacrifice to the creepers."
"No!" cried Caitlin. She woke with a start, as she shook with fear. Her heart raced
"Are you okay?" asked Steve, his voice full of concern.
"I had a nightmare about creepers sacrificing our son to Melissa."
"I'm sure he's sleeping the sleep of the unconcerned," said Steve. When he discovered that their boy was not in his cradle, they searched everywhere. When they returned home, Caitlin received a note from Melissa.
Caitlin,
I am holding your unnamed child for ransom in the Nether. If you don't let me make the sacrifice, I will take Steve away from you forever. If you choose to let the creepers make the sacrifice, Steve is safe. If you do not make a choice within 14 days, my high priest will sacrifice both of them.
Make your choice,
Melissa
When Steve saw the ransom note, he urged that Caitlin came with him to the nether.
"Silena hates me, Steve," Caitlin protested.
"We're not dealing with her," Steve promised.
"She'll probably throw fire balls at me. After all, it is her territory."
As they stepped through the portal, Melissa sat on a TNT throne. Her red eyes had an angry glow. A mutant creeper held their marriage license and threatened to toss it in the lava. Caitlin fidgeted uncomfortably. Steve screamed a war cry and struck the mutant creeper down. Creepers cornered Steve and he knew he could not fight them. He caught a glimpse of an arrow.
"Fie on you, Melissa! If anyone deserves Steve, it is not you!"
"Go away, terrible green things!"
"Begone, unholy beasts!"
"Caitlin?" Steve was bewildered. Piles of sulfur lay all around him.
"I always pack an enchanted bow with me."
Just as they got to the portal, Steve asked about the child's name.
"I shall name him creepertribute because he was nearly a sacrifice to the creepers."
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Forever Alone Disorder
Forever Alone Disorder affects 1 in 280,000 Minecraft players. Its symptoms are awkward gait, an affinity for one item or action, and, sometimes, a "derpy" appearance. It is a spectrum disorder like autism in the real world. Famous high functioning players include CraftedMovie,WhatTheHai, and ItsJerry. Famous low functioning players include PwnagePotato and ExplodingTNT.
Minecraft University
Steve always worked out by lifting iron and cobblestone. He always won athletic competitions and his shelves were full of first place medals. Other students invited him to parties often. Melissa, his girlfriend, always seemed to love Steve wholeheartedly.
Caitlin was as beautiful as Melissa. However, she never dated, participated in extracurricular activities, went to parties, or even talked to anyone. She was always at the top of her class and completed her homework.
Enjoy.
Steve started his day by lifting 20 blocks of iron and saying,"Hi," to everyone. He knew they loved
him. Melissa planted a kiss on his cheek as he started for his first period class, redstone machines and design. Confidently he entered, certain that he would impress Professor Sethbling. Caitlin, whom
everyone called the Mysterious Maiden, sat down in the back and fiddled with her mini piston.
"Is everything okay?" asked Professor Sethbling.
"Yes, sir," replied Caitlin as she took out her book on redstone compractors and their uses. Steve
glanced at her full of concern. What prohibited her from having friends? Silena, the popular
cheerleader, glared at Caitlin. She perceived the Mysterious Maiden as a threat to her popularity.
"Hey, Mysterious Maiden!," jeered Silena, "Is your beguiling secret preventing me from winning
Steve's heart?" Caitlin shrugged and miserably placed redstone torches.
"Face it, Silena. I'm prettier than you!" Melissa shouted from the hallway.
"No I am!"
"No I am!"
"Wooden sword wielder."
"Squid." Steve, disturbed by the situation, left class after Professor Sethbling gave him a B plus on
his project. Silena continued to glare at Caitlin who gloomily stared at her 110% on her Shower of
Blessings dispenser/dropper project. Melissa and Steve strode out side by side. During second period
Ender Sciences, Caitlin sighed as she shoved another 200% from Professor AntVenom into her
backpack. Meanwhile, Silena glowered at another 78%. Professor AntVenom might have been biased towards Caitlin. He always gave her an extra porkchop during class parties. However, this was so
because she lived in the End and was forbidden from talking to any other students. When the bell
rang, Caitlin shuffled off to Butter and it's Uses class with Professor Sky. Steve arrived early to do an
extra credit project.
"You have impressive strength, Steve," said Sky.
"Thanks," replied Steve.
"How many iron blocks can you lift?"
"The most I've done is 20."
"Let's try for 30."
"That's a lot."
"You can do it."
Caitlin took her seat in the back corner. As other students took their places, Professor Sky had a box of butter apples. He decided to give one to each student.
"Steve, will you lift one iron block so Annabeth can have a butter apple?"
"Sure."
"Will you take one more so Jake can have a butter apple?"
"No prob."
"Take one more so Thaddeus can have a butter apple, okay?"
"Whatevs." As the process ensued, a drop of sweat formed on his brow.
"Take one more if Jared deserves a butter apple."
"Awesome." When Sky neared the further rows, Steve began to tremble from weariness.
"Steve, I can't believe how weak you are! It is over! Just drop the iron and save yourself!" Melissa taunted. Crushed by emotional and physical agony, tears fell from his eyes, but he continued to lift. Camryn, a preppy girl, entered despite the fact that students urged her not to enter.
"Camryn, would you like a butter apple?"
"Yes, please."
"Steve, lift more iron!" He struggled to bear the burden, but did. Sweat and tears mingled on his cheeks as his tremors grew in severity. Students started not to eat their butter apples.
When Professor Sky got to Caitlin, he asked:
"Caitlin, would you like a butter apple?" She nodded and cried. Steve did not deserve this. Silena and Melissa did.
"Oh no," lamented Professor Sky, "I gave him 64 blocks by mistake!" Steve could no longer bear the weight of the iron, so Caitlin took it all. She struggled even more than Steve did. As a school nurse offered Steve a potion of instant health, he drank half. Caitlin's arms collapsed as as iron dropped to the floor, leaving several dents.
"Take this. You need it more than I do," said Steve. He still keeled over due to weariness.
"Thank you, Steve," replied Caitlin, even though the Ender Dragon forbade her from speaking to other students. After that, they had Sky Block class with Pofessor Deadlox.
"Challenge day is coming up," Professor Deadlox announced, "You must accept the challenge our half your grade will be subtracted." The whole class groaned as he doled out the challenges. They read them to each other. Steve and Caitlin had to sing Fallen Kingdom as a duet in front of the whole class. Melissa had to mine redstone. Silena and Camryn had to write a report on butter turtles. As everyone worked on their challenges, they complained as well.
When the day came, Silena came with her eyelids caked in dandelion yellow dye. Camryn read the report while Silena checked her make-up in the window. As other students accepted their challenges, it was Steve and Caitlin's turn. When they picked up the microphones, their voices were in harmony throught the entire song. Professor Deadlox blotted tears from his eyes. Just as applause bounced off the walls, a horrible dragon that had an aura of stygian darkness bursted through the walls.
"Caitlin, you are a disgrace to Minecraft," its voice boomed. Students panicked. Silena muttered to herself about how Caitlin deserved that comment.
"How so?" asked Caitlin.
"You talked to Steve."
"Why would that be disgraceful?"
"When you looked at him, you had a sense of awkward joy. Happiness corrupts good character. Your AP Potion Brewing grade dropped from 98% to 97.9%" Fighting tears, Caitlin gathered her belongings and started to depart.
"Wait," Steve interjected, "I have a gift for you." He handed Caitlin a crumpled note with the words, "You are the one," on it. When Caitlin unwrapped it, she saw a diamond ring.
"Thank you, Steve," were her last words. The Ender Dragon wiped her memory of Steve and tossed his note and the ring into the Void.
Caitlin was as beautiful as Melissa. However, she never dated, participated in extracurricular activities, went to parties, or even talked to anyone. She was always at the top of her class and completed her homework.
Enjoy.
Steve started his day by lifting 20 blocks of iron and saying,"Hi," to everyone. He knew they loved
him. Melissa planted a kiss on his cheek as he started for his first period class, redstone machines and design. Confidently he entered, certain that he would impress Professor Sethbling. Caitlin, whom
everyone called the Mysterious Maiden, sat down in the back and fiddled with her mini piston.
"Is everything okay?" asked Professor Sethbling.
"Yes, sir," replied Caitlin as she took out her book on redstone compractors and their uses. Steve
glanced at her full of concern. What prohibited her from having friends? Silena, the popular
cheerleader, glared at Caitlin. She perceived the Mysterious Maiden as a threat to her popularity.
"Hey, Mysterious Maiden!," jeered Silena, "Is your beguiling secret preventing me from winning
Steve's heart?" Caitlin shrugged and miserably placed redstone torches.
"Face it, Silena. I'm prettier than you!" Melissa shouted from the hallway.
"No I am!"
"No I am!"
"Wooden sword wielder."
"Squid." Steve, disturbed by the situation, left class after Professor Sethbling gave him a B plus on
his project. Silena continued to glare at Caitlin who gloomily stared at her 110% on her Shower of
Blessings dispenser/dropper project. Melissa and Steve strode out side by side. During second period
Ender Sciences, Caitlin sighed as she shoved another 200% from Professor AntVenom into her
backpack. Meanwhile, Silena glowered at another 78%. Professor AntVenom might have been biased towards Caitlin. He always gave her an extra porkchop during class parties. However, this was so
because she lived in the End and was forbidden from talking to any other students. When the bell
rang, Caitlin shuffled off to Butter and it's Uses class with Professor Sky. Steve arrived early to do an
extra credit project.
"You have impressive strength, Steve," said Sky.
"Thanks," replied Steve.
"How many iron blocks can you lift?"
"The most I've done is 20."
"Let's try for 30."
"That's a lot."
"You can do it."
Caitlin took her seat in the back corner. As other students took their places, Professor Sky had a box of butter apples. He decided to give one to each student.
"Steve, will you lift one iron block so Annabeth can have a butter apple?"
"Sure."
"Will you take one more so Jake can have a butter apple?"
"No prob."
"Take one more so Thaddeus can have a butter apple, okay?"
"Whatevs." As the process ensued, a drop of sweat formed on his brow.
"Take one more if Jared deserves a butter apple."
"Awesome." When Sky neared the further rows, Steve began to tremble from weariness.
"Steve, I can't believe how weak you are! It is over! Just drop the iron and save yourself!" Melissa taunted. Crushed by emotional and physical agony, tears fell from his eyes, but he continued to lift. Camryn, a preppy girl, entered despite the fact that students urged her not to enter.
"Camryn, would you like a butter apple?"
"Yes, please."
"Steve, lift more iron!" He struggled to bear the burden, but did. Sweat and tears mingled on his cheeks as his tremors grew in severity. Students started not to eat their butter apples.
When Professor Sky got to Caitlin, he asked:
"Caitlin, would you like a butter apple?" She nodded and cried. Steve did not deserve this. Silena and Melissa did.
"Oh no," lamented Professor Sky, "I gave him 64 blocks by mistake!" Steve could no longer bear the weight of the iron, so Caitlin took it all. She struggled even more than Steve did. As a school nurse offered Steve a potion of instant health, he drank half. Caitlin's arms collapsed as as iron dropped to the floor, leaving several dents.
"Take this. You need it more than I do," said Steve. He still keeled over due to weariness.
"Thank you, Steve," replied Caitlin, even though the Ender Dragon forbade her from speaking to other students. After that, they had Sky Block class with Pofessor Deadlox.
"Challenge day is coming up," Professor Deadlox announced, "You must accept the challenge our half your grade will be subtracted." The whole class groaned as he doled out the challenges. They read them to each other. Steve and Caitlin had to sing Fallen Kingdom as a duet in front of the whole class. Melissa had to mine redstone. Silena and Camryn had to write a report on butter turtles. As everyone worked on their challenges, they complained as well.
When the day came, Silena came with her eyelids caked in dandelion yellow dye. Camryn read the report while Silena checked her make-up in the window. As other students accepted their challenges, it was Steve and Caitlin's turn. When they picked up the microphones, their voices were in harmony throught the entire song. Professor Deadlox blotted tears from his eyes. Just as applause bounced off the walls, a horrible dragon that had an aura of stygian darkness bursted through the walls.
"Caitlin, you are a disgrace to Minecraft," its voice boomed. Students panicked. Silena muttered to herself about how Caitlin deserved that comment.
"How so?" asked Caitlin.
"You talked to Steve."
"Why would that be disgraceful?"
"When you looked at him, you had a sense of awkward joy. Happiness corrupts good character. Your AP Potion Brewing grade dropped from 98% to 97.9%" Fighting tears, Caitlin gathered her belongings and started to depart.
"Wait," Steve interjected, "I have a gift for you." He handed Caitlin a crumpled note with the words, "You are the one," on it. When Caitlin unwrapped it, she saw a diamond ring.
"Thank you, Steve," were her last words. The Ender Dragon wiped her memory of Steve and tossed his note and the ring into the Void.
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